ࡱ> KMJu &bjbjii 02xjxjl5' '''8_s'8t"88:8:8:8:8:8:81;=t:8:8O82L8888572(6$88<86:[>d[>47[>7@:8:8dp8[> : On Being a Man: The Private Matter of Domestic Violence Against Men By Mary Big Bow Abstract Domestic violence against women is estimated at 1.3 million incidents annually,[Tjaden & Thoennes, 200] It is clear this is a great problem on many levels. However, another problem that is greatly underestimated is violence against men by their partners. One study says an estimated 835,000 men report violence against them by their partners. Research is hugely lacking in determining the true numbers of males battered by their partners. This case explores the social problem of family violence and the experience of violence against men. Is domestic violence a gender issue? What are the underlying causes and what are the consequences of domestic violence? Looking in the mirror at an elementary school, Charlie Standing sees he has a few smeared blood stains on the side of his collar. Darn, nothing to be done about it now, class is in 5 minutes. Note to self - bring extra clothes just in case next time. As a substitute teacher on the short list of the Rocky Boy school district, Charlie has been busier than most full time teachers. He enjoys his work with the grade school. Although Charlie is a college graduate, he is not a tribal member on his wifes reservation in north-central Montana and has been passed over for several permanent positions. Charlie is the only child of elderly parents. He was raised on the Blackfeet reservation at Browning, Montana. They adopted him when they were already in their 50s and they both passed away during his time at University of Montana. Charlie had big plans. He wanted to leave the poverty of his home rez and make something of himself. He looked into many schools, and found Kicking Horse in Charlo, Montana to be ideal --- far enough away from home, and a program with many opportunities. It was the only school that offered a certificate in culinary arts. Before he dropped out of high school, he was into cross-country sports but found that was going nowhere. He did not want to be known as a jock. He is a handsome 62 man. Many people, especially on their first impression, have found him to be smart, considerate, caring and charming. He met his wife Trinity at Kicking Horse. Trinity remembers her time at Kicking Horse as a blur. She met Charlie when her friends left her behind at a party and Charlie offered to take her back to the dorms. Trinity barely graduated from the program and had no intentions of furthering her education. A two-year degree in chair-side dental assistance would be good enough when she returned home to Rocky Boy. She did not tell her parents she was marrying Charlie right after their graduation from Kicking Horse. She was hoping she and Charlie would move to Rocky Boy immediately, but his plan was to enter the University of Montana after graduating from culinary arts to work on his elementary education degree. They lived in Missoula for four years before she was able to return to Rocky Boy. By this time she was ready to deliver their second child. Charlie and Trinity have two children, 1-year-old Lucy and 3-year-old Gabriel. If it were up to Charlie, he would have a house full of children, and this is for sure one of the reasons he became a grade school teacher. Trinity insisted that the children be enrolled on her home reservation in Rocky Boy, since Charlie did not intend to move back to Browning. Even though his parents struggled to make ends meet, they lavished Charlie with love and attention. He understands that his desire to be around lots of kids stems from being lonely as a child. Trinity, the oldest of four, is a petite 53 physically attractive woman with long dark brown hair. She had been sent away by her parents because of their inability to control her behavior. She was constantly in jail for fighting with just about anyone. She was drinking heavily by the time she was 16 and her parents believed she was into heavier drugs. She was in rehab twice before she was accepted into Kicking Horse. During rehab, she was diagnosed with a borderline personality disorder. Trinitys father is a tribal councilman and her mother works for contract health services. They believed her behavior was a bad example for their other children. Trinity went home to visit only when absolutely necessary and her parents never invited her anyway. She seemed to settle down after she met Charlie. In the classroom that day, Charlie faced thirty-one 4th grade kids, all in various states of excitement to have a substitute teacher. He knew most of the faces. Charlie felt privileged to be here again. He knew some of the teachers and believed they were only there for a paycheck. But he loved the way the kids soaked up information when they were challenged. As he was greeting the kids, one little girl asked him why his neck was bleeding. He lied and said he cut himself shaving. The police had been called to his house by neighbors earlier in the morning. Charlie had been up most of the night with Lucy, who was ill from her shots. Trinity had passed out from drinking a bottle of Black Velvet. She had started to drink more and was drinking alone these past few months. The more Charlie encouraged her to work and become more involved with other things, the more angry and moody she became. Charlie was sick and tired of their situation. It seemed he was not getting any help from his wife in making a living for them. He thinks Trinity has been neglectful and abusive with Gabriel and was pretty rough with Lucy. He often came home from work to find the house in a mess, Gabe wondering around the neighborhood, and Lucy crying in her crib. Halfway into the day, Charlie was approached by the principal. He was told he would not be called again by this school district. Principle Sanchez stated that he had learned of the police being called to Charlies house again and was unwilling to employ a person who was being violent with his family. The neighbors called the police when they heard crashes, screaming and yelling from the Standing residence that morning. They were concerned that Charlie was beating on Trinity again. In their opinion Trinity was miserable and certainly deserved a beating after running around on Charlie. They thought he just did not know how to control his wife. When the police arrived, they found Trinity half naked, with shagged-out hair, screaming and telling Charlie to leave. The kids were crying and Charlie was trying to calm them down. He was dressed and clean-shaven, and stated that he was just trying to get to work when Trinity woke up and freaked out on him. The police had never taken Charlie to jail during the regular calls they had received in response to domestic disturbances at the residence, because he had always been the calm one and seemed to be trying to calm everyone else down. They also were unable to see any bruises or wounds on Trinity. Trinity had taken out a restraining order on Charlie six months ago. During this time, child welfare was called because Baby Lucy had been accidentally slammed into a door by Trinity trying to run after Charlie, who threatened to leave her after he found out she had been seeing other men. Charlie and Trinity were separated for three weeks. She decided to take him back when he wanted to take custody of the kids. Although she knew he would not win a custody battle, she thought he was a good provider and dad and she still loved him.  Copyright 2009 held by Ӱר. Please use appropriate attribution when using and quoting this case. Cases are available at the Enduring Legacies Native Cases website at: http://www.evergreen.edu/tribal/cases/  Mary Big Bow, MSW, is a faculty member at the Salish Kootenai College.     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Aptos Display3. Aptos;Wingdings?= .Cx Courier NewA$BCambria Math hmէmէfd5d5!0]] 3QP 2! xxH On Being a Man admin ITSS barbara smith4         Oh+'0l  ( 4 @LT\dOn Being a Man admin ITSSNormalbarbara smith2Microsoft Office Word@@O@Od ՜.+,0 hp  THE EVERGREEN STATE COLLEGE5] On Being a Man Title  !"#$%&'()*+,-./0123456789;<=>?@ACDEFGHILRoot Entry FN1Table>WordDocument02SummaryInformation(:DocumentSummaryInformation8BCompObjr  F Microsoft Word 97-2003 Document MSWordDocWord.Document.89q